i have the BEST story ever . . and i wish i could tell you all in person because it is THAT GOOD!  haha . . probably won't have the same effect when you read it, but you have to know . . . i took a spill the other day . . . yes, that's right . . go ahead, roll your eyes . . . but i am telling you i took the worst tumble i think i've ever taken in my 24 years!  results: two ripped holes in my jeans, two majorly scraped up knees, one damaged elbow, a bruised shoulder, and A LOT OF LAUGHS!  oh my crap, it was by far one of the funniest moments of my life thus far!  okok, i might have let a few tears escape AFTER i recovered what dignity i could salvage from wiping out in front of the whole construction crew that whisles at me every wednesday morning on my way into class . . . my friend and i decided that i brought a whole new meaning to the phrase, "you better check yourself before you wreck yourself" because i definitely wrecked myself for sure!  sidewalks were never meant to be uneven . . .

anyway, that incident is only the cherry on top of my last month . . it has been a hard one . . . everything i expected and more . . . more intense, more difficult, just more, more, more.  i look back at how far i've come, but i look forward knowing that i'm not off the alter yet . . . it's a funny thing about being refined--it is our choice, you know.  i can get up and go--refusing the heat and fire that will purify or i can stay and in my hardest of hard times be renewed and cleansed by His process . . . and in those hard times, God is still good . . that's all i know . . . and He is the only One who I can absolutely trust to bring beauty from ashes.  He would not allow trials and struggles to come if He didn't have a plan and purpose to make the ashes beautiful--and how beautiful is that!  what a good God we serve . . .

i love and miss you all like crazy . . . those of you heading back to taylor--make the most of it . . and here's a piece of advice . . . you'll probably want to make friends with my cousin Sarah Lucas super fast . . she's the newest AND the coolest freshman on 1NE this year!! good luck!! 

this is going to be short and sweet . . . recently, i'm learning what it means to be broken . . when all is stripped away . . . that is how i feel . . .

it's time for me to start over in cleveland . . . for the next month, i have no roommate, no small treasure (well . . that is sort of for forever . . at least this small treasure season has passed), and as far as friends . . yes, i have them, but not those deep friendships you really lean on when life gets hard . . . at least not here in cleveland . . .

but isn't it times like these when God has the opportunity in our lives to do something great . . . we're so vulnerable, so open, depending solely on Him for our day to day strength . . . yes, i have so much to learn and maybe in the next month by myself God will work on me . . . i want to stop running to other people when i should be running to God . . i want to start fresh . . . and i know that THIS is the time . . .

Your heart seems to have hit the floor,
but I do believe you're meant to soar,
The enemy's wounds, they must go deep,
but I pray the Lord your soul to keep.

There is no taking back those days a gone,
But now it's your chance just to move on.
Make the best of the life you live,
'Cause before Him you soon will give.
You soon will give

Take hold, don't give up.
You gotta make the best of what you got,
Give it all you best shot,
Take hold, don't give up.

hello public domain!  yes, it is me again.  i figure i'm about a once-a-monther on this xanga updating now.

life in c-town is about to get veryvery busy this next month . . . starting off with my cousin's wedding (in pittsburgh no less--ROAD TRIP!) the first weekend . . this fun experience is coupled by the visit of two taylor alum celebs--terry and bebe!! now, seriously, how can you beat a weekend like that?!  YOU CAN'T!!  ahaha!  the next week will be the last of my first summer session and include shortened classes, 4th of july with my FAMILY, and quite possibly a visit from none other than my best friend in the entire world--jennifer bleser!!  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!  the following weekend will include tons of laughter and many memories when bhanson, anna, leah, junice, (possibly jenna and amy--although, they don't know it yet) come to visit and we go to CEDAR POINT--america's roller coast!  they are staying until 4am monday morning and then driving back to indiana for work--right anna?!  the last weekend in july will be funfunfun when i travel to michigan with my little brother to attend the FAMOUS stutzman family reunion--don't think i've been to one in about 8 years . . . and don't get the wrong idea, people, these are not normal boring reunions--they are the BESTEST ever!!  don't be jealous you can't come!  so, i mean, who can beat a month like that?  and to top it off--by the end of this whirlwind, i will be only weeks away from completing the most stressful semester of my nursing school program!!  God is good--he is seeing me through and giving me tons of fun in between.

here's a run down on school--weeks away from finishing first summer session.  it's non-stop, but by the end of the summer, i will have all completely learned all of the nursing skills i need!  scary!  still working, but next month not working as much . . . i just got accepted to work at university hospital after i graduate for a year--and as a bonus, they are giving me $7500 NOW!!  yessssssssssssss!  that will cover rent for the rest of my program--jesus provided!

speaking of jesus--isn't it hard to live in the daily awareness that he is really good and faithful.  i mean, we know it and we believe it, but if we really LIVED like we believed it, how would we be living differently?  i've be reading a ton about his faithfulness lately and it just has me thinking . . . i joined a small group of women (5) from the church last monday and we are starting beth moore's bible study, "breaking free"--i'm super excited!  i have prayed for a group like this since february!!  and today, my pastor approached me about starting a small group with another girl and told me he would be really supportive of us doing that--it made me feel so good.  i realize i want to be pouring into people, and since leaving s.africa (and taylor, really) i feel like i haven't had much opportunity--or taken the opportunity either . . . so here we go . . i don't know when it will start--probably in august, but i would love to be involved in women's ministry again--somehow.  we'll see what he's up too . . . life keeps getting more exciting by the day!!  hearts and hugs to all i love--and if you're reading this, chances are that means YOU!!

it has been so long since my last post . . . wow . . i mean, my grandma did tell me i was being a slacker, but i hardly realized that nearly 6 weeks had gone by . . . i can't get too detailed . . . but here's what has been going on as of recent . . .

i think cleveland is beginning to look like home to me . . . not necessarily forever, but i actually feel at home . . i have friends, a church, a job (that i actually like), and know fun things to do on the weekend . . . a friend recently asked me how i was adjusting, and i never thought about it until he asked and the answer is that i'm doing well here . . . and the way i can truly tell is how i feel when i get ready to drive back from indiana or pennsylvania . . . i used to cry, but now, it's ok . . .

i find out this week or next if i got the contract with university hospitals to work for them after i graduate  . . . they give tuition assistance which would be a wonderful thing at this point . . .i work at university as a nursing assistant on the oncology floor and i absolutely love it!!  you know when you get that feeling that you are exactly where God wants you right now . . . that's what i have there . . . and here in cleveland for that matter . .  right now, i know . . . tomorrow i may question it, but today--i know!

and i recently learned this about myself: i care and i care deeply for people.  i mean, i sort of knew this, but i guess it has taken on new significance and i have had new insights about it lately . . . i care so much for people, and when they are hurting, i want to be there for them, to help them--but i can't always.  i can't be a savior to my friends--jesus has to do that.  it probably isn't a revelation to you reading this, but if you know me at all, you are glad i am learning . . . and i am learning that it is ok for me to care . . sometimes i am hard on myself thinking i care too much and if i didn't then i wouldn't get so hurt . . but truth is, i was made that way . . and it is a part of me that i accept and i don't care if it means hurting because it also means loving.  so, the moral of this little paragraph is that, i care, i will always care, but i will also let go . . . let go of the people i care about enough to put them into God's hands and leave them there . . . because he is the one who can truly meet their needs . . .

ok kids . . . that's all i have for now . . . grandma, i hope you feel more up to date on my life, but probably some good girl talk would do a better job . . . after all, xanga is public domain!!  i love you!!